ALL ABOUT YOU AND YOUR BREAKUPS – YOUR TURN TO ANAYLSE AND UNDERSTAND




…kept civilised and just how imperative it is for contact never to be initiated by the dumper under any circumstances.  I wrote about my experiences and made my conclusions about my own breakups in this post (earlier today):

…and I want you to do the same…but only if you think this will assistyour breakup anxiety and onward journey through the heartache.  I don’t want you to do this exercise if you think it will cause you pain and hinder the healing process; everyone is different; personally I try to deal with my own breakups by injecting a bit of humour into my thought process – and that is just not manageable or considered appropriate for or by everybody…
For those of you up for giving this a go, I hope that it is going to give you clarity and context.  I hope that you will be able to see for yourself and come to realise and accept that you either have ‘LITTLE TO NO CHANCE’ of them coming back or you have a ‘FAIR TO GREAT OLD CHANCE’ – you’ve still got to keep moving forward whichever option is most likely; and I want you to understand exactly why there is little/no chance or a fair/great chance.  I’m hoping that by doing this it will help you to rationalise your current breakup, make sense of it, highlight what went wrong, encourage you to take ownership of your behaviour and realise what is just not acceptable conduct in any breakup situation, so that if you have made mistakes, you simply will not repeat them again.
 
Pen and paper ready you brave souls?  Great!

LET’S START…..
Make a list of ALL of your exes where there was a ‘breakup’ situation (doesn’t matter how long or how short the relationship was) and then make notes on the following:
  • 1.      Identify which of you was the dumper/dumpee.
  • 2.      Was it a good relationship for the most part – say at least 70-80% good; 20-30% not so?
  • 3.      Identify the reason(s) for the breakup.
  • 4.      What kind of breakup was it; outwardly emotional (bad) or dignified (good)?
  • 5.      Who initiated contact in the aftermath (dumper or dumpee)?
  • 6.      How long did it take for contact to be initiated post breakup and in what form did it come?
  • 7.      What was the reason contact was made (another chance, a hook, a friendship etc)?
  • 8.      Whether you were the dumper or the dumpee, Did YOU want THEM back?
  • 9.      What was the final outcome?

Now for the tricky one…complete honesty please!

  • Do you think that your behaviour and/or their behaviour during the breakup and aftermath contributed to not giving the relationship another try?
Before you read on, see if there are any correlations in your and their behaviour/how the breakup was handled and what the outcome was.  When you’ve done this, read on…

‘ALL’ LADIES – DUMPEES and DUMPERS
…this is what I believe your overall conclusions will be:
·       Ok to excellent relationship – dignified breakup – time and space – dumper initiates contact = a serious second chance at ‘relationship’.
·       Ok to excellent relationship – undignified break up – dumpee initiates contact = much less of a serious second chance at ‘relationship’.
·       Bad relationship – undignified break up – dumpee initiates contact = no second chance at ‘relationship’.
·       ‘Doesn’t want a relationship’ dumper – undignified breakup – time and space = dumper will possibly be open to fuck buddies.
·       ‘Doesn’t want a relationship’ dumper – dignified breakup – time and space – dumpee initiates contact = dumper will probably suggest a friends with benefits situation.
·       ‘Doesn’t want a relationship’ dumper – dignified breakup – time and space – dumper initiates contact = there will definitely be a fuck buddy option on the table for you unfortunately – if you’re hoping for a ‘relationship’, forget it; you have to be strong and let him know it’s an absolute ‘no’, ‘never’-insult and tell him to forget you ever existed.  SORRY – you’ve done so well and this sadly is your punishment for doing things right.  Life can be cruel, I’ve been there, I know.
·       A genuine mutual decision to breakup – dignified breakup – chance to breath is for the most part irrelevant = mates/friends/friends with benefits – whatever you both want really.
‘ALL’ GENTS – DUMPERS AND DUMPEES
…this is what I believe your overall conclusion will be:
·        Generally good relationship – dignified breakup – time and space – dumper initiates contact = second chance at relationship.
·        Ok to excellent relationship – undignified break up – dumpee initiates contact = little chance of a reconciliation.
·        Bad relationship – undignified break up – dumpee initiates contact = no chance of reconciliation.
·        ‘Doesn’t want a relationship’ [a’hem: with you] dumper – undignified breakup – time and space = possible offer of mates.
·        ‘Doesn’t want a relationship’ [cough: with you] dumper – dignified breakup – time and space – dumpee initiates contact = possible offer of friendship.
·        ‘Doesn’t want a relationship’ [splutter: with you] dumper – dignified breakup – time and space – dumper initiates contact = anything could happen here depending upon how you handle the comeback!
·        A genuine mutual decision to breakup – dignified breakup – chance to breath is for the most part irrelevant = mates/friends/friends with benefits.
WHAT ARE YOUR ACTUAL CONCLUSIONS:  ARE MY PREDICTIONS GENERALLY RIGHT?
So now you can draw your own conclusions based upon your own past experiences (and mine if you want) as to whether or not there is a chance that the ex you want back so very desperately will return.  I think… 








…in the meantime, onward and upward – go forth living your life – they may come back; they may not; but I think now you’ve got a good idea as to what the outcome will most likely be???  

Let me know in the comments – I’m intrigued!
TOUGH LOVE EVERY.STEP.OF.THE.WAY.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s