This post is absolutely written from the heart and I’m sympathising with the dumpee. I’m not going to be sweary or sarcy or try to be funny here, because I really feel for you.
If you want or prefer my grow-a-pair, little bit brutal version of thoughts on this topic, the link is HERE:
It’s probably fair to say that immediately after the breakup you’ve got a good idea as to what is going to trigger a tough post-breakup day. For example, certain places you went together, certain songs you listened to; so you know to avoid these. But sometimes, a trigger can hit you like a bolt out of the blue and that’s it…meltdown, emotions, tears – the memories, the ‘what ifs’ and the disappearance of the future once envisaged. You need to be aware that there will be triggers that only your subconscious anticipates and accept that you are going to have more difficult than normal hours when the tough day presents itself.
You’ve just had your heart broken and you’ve handled it – at least you’re still here and it hasn’t killed you, so it’s going to make you stronger – you just have to keep on going and keep on believing in yourself. So you ARE handling it and you are getting through it, second-by-second and hour-by-hour and day-by-day. I know as well that your thoughts and feelings are all over the place. You’re high; you’re low and it’s a cycle. They will be back – they won’t be back – they will, they won’t – will, won’t…and you’re mulling over and over what you did wrong and how it went so wrong, and if you’d only done this or that.
This is ‘normal’ in any breakup situation and what you have to do is a simple concept but a tough one to master; you have to power on through it. You are not thinking rationally RIGHT NOW, but clarity will come in due course when you’ve gone through the inevitable ‘breakup-cycle’ and then you’ll be out the other side.
If you start to doubt yourself. STOP. Take a breath and inject a bit of logic. Think. If your Bestie was struggling like you are today over an ex, what would your advice be to them? What would you say to calm your Bestie’s thoughts? You would tell them they are amazing, that they need to stay strong, to resist the urge to contact the ex and to find a distraction. And that’s what YOU need to do. You don’t feel amazing right now, but you are. You do need to stay strong THAT’s true, you need to do anything and everything you can to take your mind off contacting that ex; because contacting the ex when they broke up with you is just the worst thing you can do to yourself right now.
…what I do, when I’m having a tough day is that I disconnect from my phone and any other device that can connect me to a forum where he might be. I go out and I leave my phone at home. I’ll go anywhere, for a walk, to the park, to the gym, to the shops, to a mate’s, visit a relative, (in extreme times!) go into work. Anything that will take me away from my phone and pass time…and I won’t return until the urge to reach out has subsided to a level that I know I can handle. This is how I ensure that I do not let my emotions take over on a tough day…a tougher than normal day.
You have to find a way to control your emotions without engaging your ex. Whilst your emotions are out of control, you have got to stay in control of your dignity. You’ve just got to get through the next few hours because not every day is going to be as a tough as this one.
Please, whatever you do, if you were the one that was broken up with…and if you were the dumper regretting your decision, on a tough day just please do not initiate contact with your ex because you are at your lowest and raw emotion is going to take hold and that’s going to lead to more heartbreak for you and increased anxiety.
You won’t get your ex back or have your ex think highly of you if you communicate to him/her whilst you are feeling broken and emotional. Your ex can’t help you get through a breakup and so you have to resist reaching out to him and learn how to get yourself through it…and I don’t even mean just scraping though it…I mean you have to learn how to get yourself through it being ‘unique’ (translates: not giving in by reaching out to them).
GOOD LUCK WITH THIS POST-BREAKUP TOUGH DAY – YOU GOT THIS; IT’LL PASS…IT HAS TO….
Let me know in the comments below whether this helped and also most importantly, whether you made it through your post breakup tough day and if you did, how you did…I also want to know if you didn’t, so I can never write sappy stuff again…!