IN A POST-BREAKUP SCENARIO WHEN SHOULD THE DUMPEE INITIATE CONTACT WITH THE DUMPER?





…has explained what ‘No Contact’ is in great detail and I’ve written in detail about it HERE too.  I’m not suggesting anybody is stupid I’m suggesting that people post-breakup are ‘emotional’ and acting in a heightened state of desperation.  So if you WERE THE ONE THAT WAS DUMPED, are emotional and/or feeling that you desperately want your ex back right now, calm yourself down and read the next part with a let’s say ‘clarity driven, sensible no-nonsense mind set’. 

THE ANSWER IS THIS… 

…’NEVER’…
Not contacting your ex after they dumped you SHOULD NOT EVER be broken by the dumpee under any circumstances besides where children are involved, finances need to be sorted or you work together.  I’ve taken the liberty of getting my diary out at this point so that I can cover the ‘SHOULD NOT EVER’ element in even greater detail: 
THEIR BIRTHDAY… – they don’t want someone they don’t want in their life singing Happy Birthday down the phone to them; it’s irritating when their dear old nan does it, let alone you, ‘THE EX’.
YOUR BIRTHDAY… – they don’t need a reminder that it’s your Birthday, they can barely remember the birthdays of the people relevant in their life; yours is just another one they can forget without consequence.  (Right – because they are your ‘EX’?!). 
IF THEIR FAMILY MEMBER/FRIEND DIES… – when someone close to me passes away I don’t want to hear from hardly anybody, least of all an ex because death puts life into perspective and it makes you evaluate your own.  Experiencing the death of somebody close reinforces that you should not waste your time with people who do not make you happy and do not add value to your life.  If you mean something to them and they realise this, let them grieve and then let them come to you.  In other words, hmmm, have some damn respect already. 
Perhaps you’ve been lucky enough not to lose somebody close to you, but I haven’t been so lucky and I can assure you that if ANY ex (bar a handful that I am now friends with) did contact me upon hearing of the death I would not answer and I would consider it to be manipulation at its greatest and don’t try and kid yourself that it is anything other than that.  If you are being completely honest with yourself (and I’m not saying you don’t care about their loss but) your primary intention is to catch them at their lowest point to see if you can manipulate them into reconnecting with you and that is very wrong on so many levels.  You will not earn points for that – it’s cheap as chips…and if they do respond it’ll only be to cry on your shoulder because they have run out of toilet roll.  Don’t be substitute toilet roll.  
IF THEIR PET DIES… – see above.
YOUR ANNIVERSARY… – that my friend is a celebration that has well and truly lost its sparkle – to them at least, so leave it out.
IF YOU HEAR THEY ARE IN HOSPITAL/UNWELL… – my ex Whatsapp’d me whilst I was in hospital, I saw his name flash up, caught a glimpse of the pulse monitor I was attached to rise and instantly hit delete.  I didn’t even read it – I might have been minutes into coming-to after general anesthetic but I was still with it enough to hit delete without considering his bluhrb – I just didn’t have the energy to deal. 
BANK HOLIDAY… – they are going to spend these interacting with friends and family not exes – these are days off from school, college, work and the general shit/mundane-ness that life throws.  Find someone who likes you to talk to or worst case find a box set, get a NetFlix account – ‘You’ is supposed to be good and all about a psycho stalking an ex if you want apt.  Fatal Attraction is good if you’re more of a film fanatic, but don’t get any ideas about how to deal with their pet rabbit just so that you can contact them to sympathise with them about the death of said rabbit WHICH YOU CHOPPED AND BOILED IN A POT YOU CRAZY BUNNY BOILER.
WHILST DRUNK… – you can’t text if you’ve got a glass of wine in one hand and the bottle in the other.  I’m assuming you don’t have any additional hands so you can leave your phone all tucked away and snug in your pocket/bag (or better still at home; or if you are at home put it in a different room or put it in the care of a responsible adult for the night).  If you feel the urge to contact your ex and your phone is in reaching distance start chanting over and over (in your drunken head not out loud if you’re in public)…


– rinse and repeat until the urge subsides.  You can write this chant on a post-it note and stick it to your phone (like this!) which you are in any case keeping in your pocket/bag/other room/with responsible adult (Right?!), but just in case you make a grab for it.  Sobering piece of advice…if you can’t trust yourself to exercise self-control when you’re drinking or drunk then you can’t have a drink!  And that’s just unnecessary self-deprivation; so get chanting, get it together or you can give me your drink! 

December/January: ‘New Years Eve/Day’… – this is a whole 48 hours of keeping your shit together probably whilst….oh god noooooo…..(here comes the drinking theme again) DRUNK (see above).  Their NY resolution is likely never to speak to you again, so save your texts/calls/data allowance for someone who cares.
February:  ‘V Day’… – purrrrleeeasssse.  DO NOT EVEN GO THERE.  The only person they want to hear from and should be hearing from on that day to acknowledge lover’s day is their current playmate. 
February 29th:  ‘Leap Year’… – an extra day of the year slotted in nicely that you will need to exercise self-control on – luckily you’ll only get to navigate this one once every four years, but ladies, your ex-boyfriend will not think it cute if you contact him with a ‘certain proposal’; leave this tradition well alone.
April: Easter and all other religious holidays… – they don’t want to share your chocolate eggs or worship with you whilst you worship them.
October: Halloween… – if you’ve behaved like a psycho they could be going to a fancy dress party dressed up AS YOU and you don’t need to prompt them to put even more effort into their outfit. 
November: Bonfire Night… – if you pester them they will be wanting to replace you with Guy Fawkes, so don’t let your crazy add fuel to the (bon)fire.
December: Christmas Day… – Look!  They want to open their Christmas pressies in peace, eat their Turkey, spuds and pud.  All they want for Christmas is NOT you popping up – let them be merry and watch crap TV and not have to deal with your festive-emotional-shit-show…



December: Boxing Day …– they’re still eating Turkey and ‘interacting’ with (their new) Alexa, leave them to it and no need for jealousy ladies, Alexa has no ulterior motive.  She doesn’t want marriage in exchange for switching their lamps on and off or children in exchange for playing and putting up with their diabolical taste in music. 
Now in my diary, there are other, errrr ‘note worthy(?!)’ days marked by the publisher which I only came to know about when writing this article, including ‘Ditch New Year’s Resolution Day’ (17th Jan), ‘Penguin Awareness Day’ (20th Jan), ‘Chocolate Cake Day’ (27th Jan), ‘Eat Ice Cream For Breakfast Day’ (2nd Feb), ‘Tortilla Chip Day’ (24th Feb), ‘Tell A Fairy Tale Day’ (26th Feb) and so on and so forth, but please don’t acknowledge those to your ex either.  The thing is, when somebody has dumped you, reaching out to them to wish them ‘Happy Birthday’ is as meaningless, utterly stooopid and attention seeking as you reaching out on ‘International Joke Day’ (1st July folks) to wish them (haha, the irony of it) ‘Happy International Joke Day’.  I swear.  Don’t do it, because you look like the joke here.  Do you want an ex you dumped invading on your celebrations/deaths/ holidays/Christmas Jumper Day (13th December)?  No you don’t, so don’t do it to them.  And ask yourself this…
What have YOU got to gain from contacting the ex who broke up with you on any of the 365/6 days of the year?  NUUU-TING!  Not a goddamn ‘ting.  And are you actually demonstrating to them that you are not valuing yourself.  You are too busy waiting around for a ‘significant day to come around’ for an excuse to reach out to them or when they’ve had a death in the family, when they are at their happiest, illest, saddest or drunkest.  What you are trying to rationalise is that you are willing to wait until your ex is not in their ‘normal’ state of mind for them to consider speaking to you on the phone, returning your text/email.  Really?  And that’s ok with you?  That’s how little you think of yourself?  You’re ok with this: ‘my ex is very likely to ignore me unless I catch him/her at an inappropriate time, when they are grieving, drunk or celebrating….’,   
Yeahhhh….that doesn’t sit pretty with me.  

Don’t waste your time looking desperate to your ex!

Have you made contact with the ex that dumped you when you really should not have done? Did you have a pesky excuse for a reason?  What happened?  Let me know in the comments below, if you like…!

TOUGH LOVE EVERY.STEP.OF.THE.WAY


2 thoughts on “IN A POST-BREAKUP SCENARIO WHEN SHOULD THE DUMPEE INITIATE CONTACT WITH THE DUMPER?

  1. It is hard…but that little sucker needs to realise what breaking up with you really means, which is…’you’re gone…’ that’s what they wanted after all.

    Like

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