THE ‘CRAZY’ WOMAN – ‘STUPID’ MAN RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC – CAN WE COEXIST?




I got to thinking about the concept of ‘crazy’ and started writing about it.  And I realised how many elements to ‘crazy’ there actually are.  I’m obviously writing this from a ‘man-woman-dynamic-type’ perspective here and craziness can manifest itself in so many different ways.

…like the time my ex acted continually stupid and (could have) sent me crazy.

…like the time I did go (internally) crazy following a breakup…I touched very briefly on the start of that downward spiral HERE.

…like the time I was ‘sent’ crazy by being continually taken advantage of and then stood up for myself and as a result got ‘labelled’ crazy….I talk about the majority of that HERE [backlash excluded].

I’m going to write about all of these concepts…but today I’m starting with the first on my list.

…like the time when my ex acted continually stupid and (could have) sent me crazy.

This quote by ‘George Carlin’ interests me:



Like the ‘chicken’ and ‘egg’, what comes first ‘stupid or crazy’…‘crazy or stupid’…only this isn’t as complicated as the chicken-egg scenario…

…I’m afraid dear men, you’re up…because stupid USUALLY comes first.  Stupidity, especially over a prolonged period of time can create a ‘reaction’ which you lot like to call ‘crazy’ and in some instances is.  Crazy has different levels and layers depending upon how stupid you’ve been and under what circumstances.

Mind fuckery again.  Women react/get crazy where mind fuckery is involved.  That’s when we really lose our shit.  Dishonesty, lies, entitlement with a good old portion of male stupidity on the side is going to bring out crazy.  Honesty won’t/shouldn’t.  Respect won’t/shouldn’t.  Healthy communication won’t/shouldn’t.  And if it does, quite honestly…then you have got an actual crazy on your hands, sorry to break it to you.   

I got to thinking about an ex of mine.  He didn’t behave all that well when we weren’t in each other’s presence (and by that I do not mean that he cheated) but he was a sweetheart when we were in the same house/place together…so shy on our first date…but once out of his shell just the funniest and the sexiest and the wittiest but rather a tortured [by women’s crazy’] soul…some of the moments we shared together still make me cry laughing when I think about them now.

I remember our last hug and it was the most intense form of human contact I’ve ever experienced in my life.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt as connected to somebody than in those few minutes where no words were exchanged…even though I kind of knew it would be the last time we ever touched – not that he’d said this was the end…it was just a gut feeling.  It felt like he was communicating a heartfelt sorry that was melting out of his soul and into mine for the heartache he’d (mainly unintentionally) caused me and apologising for what he knew was coming in a day’s time, when he would end it for the final time. 

He was no good at verbally expressing any kind of feeling or emotion, even the first and only time he told me he loved me it was kind of ‘I love you you know I do [I didn’t know] so what’s on tele tonight…?’ and then I didn’t say it back because I was taken aback.  It had come from nowhere and then I felt rushed into thinking about what WAS on the television tonight that I could convince him to watch instead of Top Gear.  So he never got to know that I loved him too because he didn’t give me the right chance.

THAT hug though was so honest, authentic and hairs on end type stuff…there are no words that exist that could come close to replacing that damn hug.  I’d love to relive it even though it was heart wrenching, but the connection just made the wrench so worthwhile.

But he really DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WOMEN and as a result of that he has ABSOLUTELY NO SELF-ESTEEM.  Like if women came with an instruction manual in Man Code he still wouldn’t get us – like he’s stuck at ‘boobs’.  And he doesn’t seem to understand where he goes wrong.  But his intentions are good.  He’s a good person – but I think us women scare the shit out of him.  

Like if I said to him ‘Can I ask you a question?’  He’d be like ‘oooohhhhhh, noooooooo, whaaaaaat…do you have to?’ And that would irritate me and I’d say… ‘What’s up now?  I only want to know if you prefer me in ‘this dress’ or ‘that dress’’.  And he’d just look panicked.  I only wanted an opinion and he thought if he chose ‘the wrong answer’ I’d interrogate him to death when in fact I wouldn’t have cared if he’d have hated both dresses just as long as he offered an opinion.
 
He did come out with a cracking answer to this little question though…the age old ‘…does my bum look big in this…?’  I only asked that question to scare him…sorry!  His reply was ‘…a little bit…but I like it!’  I mean that’s genius…he must have had a bad experience with that question in the past and as a result Googled ‘what to say to a woman when she asks if her bum looks big when it actually does’.  And Google gave him THAT little gem.  His delivery was too quick, too sharp, too confident for the magnitude of the question being posed.  He must have had a bad experience and expert assistance.  

I know you poor men out there…we’re complicated and crazy and you’re simple and stupid.

I’ll give you some more examples from this ex.

He was supposed to come over…we’d planned it earlier in the week – I said I’d cook us something special.  He’d said he’d be with me between 6.00-6.30.  When he hadn’t arrived at 6.45, I text to ask how late he thought he was going to be.  He replied ‘oh…sorry, I forgot’.  He didn’t get a reply to THAT.  

So half an hour later he messaged me with ‘am I in trouble?’  No reply.  ‘If I’m in trouble I’m not coming over’.  I didn’t reply to THAT either.  His next message the following morning ‘…what the fuck’s wrong with you now – what have I done?’

I mean…that’s stupid right?  I can’t be arsed with any of that.  Repetition of this type of behaviour definitely has the potential to trigger a woman’s crazy…men, you understand that right?  And you understand why?  You’re going to get ignored or slapped and I’m not a violent person.

When we first got together he recalled the time of a woman he’d been seeing ‘casually’…although whether he effectively conveyed his ‘casual-ness’ to her I’m not convinced.  When he called it off she turned up at his workplace with her mate and refused to leave until he agreed to errrm…sleep with her ‘one more time’.  That’s clearly bat shit crazy behaviour.  No man should ever have the power to get a woman that wired, in THAT way and offer herself up like a sacrificial lamb AND AT HIS WORK PLACE NO LESS. 

I was like ‘oh…that’s very awkward…how did you get her to leave?’  He said ‘I agreed to sleep with her again…’.  Ohhhh…I see, just to get her to go…and then sort it out later?’  

He replied ‘nah…I did what she asked, I slept with her again’.  Annnnddd ‘…when I gave her a casual ‘see ya’, she asked when she’d see me again and I said she wouldn’t…so she grabbed my phone and smashed it up – I don’t know why – I did what she asked.  I slept with her one more time – see women…crazy women.  Women they’re crazy…I did what she demanded and then she went crazy and broke my phone.  If she doesn’t know what she wants how am I supposed tooooooo?’.
 
And I’m looking at him all confused…like… ‘what a fucking stupid thing to do’.  I mean he rewarded crazy with stupidity and he’s looking at me as though ‘that was the right thing to do…right?…I gave her what she wanted and then I was gone like I said I would be…everyone should be happy, you’re on my side right?’  But I wasn’t.  I don’t condone a woman being used like that by a man EVER…even if he’s my man.

Another occasion, he said ‘I’m popping to the shop…do you want anything?…I want to get you something nice…’…see the thought was there – he was more than half way there!  I said ‘ahhhh, surprise me’….and when he popped out I ran around looking for a spare vase.  

He came back with some new washing-up gloves.  

I was kind of expecting flowers or chocolate or Pringles.  ‘Don’t you like them…I would have got you anything you’d asked for, had you just said what you wanted?’ he said looking really hurt, because my face couldn’t keep up with my brain…and my brain was thinking ‘wtf?…but SMILE you ungrateful bitch’but my brain didn’t tell my face quickly enough…so by the time I managed to smile he’d sulked away with my ‘are you having a laugh?’ face etched on his brain.  I could hear him repeating ‘Women?  Women?  Women?’ as he walked away.
    
…as far as washing up gloves went they were ‘nice’…they were good quality ones too he told me as he tried them out the following morning…and for the rest of our time together…but I was just a bit ‘…on what planet would you think a woman would want to receive washing up gloves?’  I suppose if I’d have gone to the shop and got him a gift, he’d have been cock-a-hoop if I’d brought him back a screwdriver…so from his point of view, he’d bought me comparable to a screwdriver – which he would have loved; so why didn’t I love the practical yellow plastic gloves?!

When he broke it off with me (the first time), he did so by text…it went ‘…sorry, I can’t be your full time man anymore’ – that is not an appropriate way to end ANYTHING, especially as just two days earlier he’d introduced me to his 12 year old…because…men reading this might be like ‘oh yeah…that message makes total sense and straight to the point…he done good’

Women reading this won’t….they’ll be thinking ‘he said whaaaaaat?  What does that even mean?’  I have actually told you all about that little dumping HERE, so I won’t repeat myself other than to say my reply was ‘Ok’.  And I was heartbroken and falling in love with him…even if he didn’t have a clue about women.  

But he knew mending things without being asked and cleaning the frost off my car for me when he left for an early morning shift earned him the much sought after bonus ‘man points’…so why didn’t he get the rest?  Surely the rest is easy??

A few weeks post-breakup (we hadn’t had any contact since THAT text exchange) knowing a mutual friend and I were on our way to Manchester for a girlie weekend…he text her whilst we were on route to say ‘how about me and you go to Manchester and leave her ^^ME^^^behind’.  After I’d popped a blood vessel and got over the ‘heeeee’sss askkkked you tooooo dooooo whaaaaaat?’ reaction I suggested she just ignore him but ultimately the decision was hers and she was feeling a bit crazed up herself after that.  So she pointed out to him the inappropriate nature of THAT message and he was all ‘I’m joking…I just wanted you to tell her what I said.  I thought she’d laugh and then text me – but don’t tell her that’, which she immediately told me.

Again…kind of cute but totally stupid and misjudged…and very much asking for a bit of crazy, if I were the jealous type.  And no…I didn’t text him even though he continued to message my friend pretty much all day and evening trying to get a rise out of me – now that his intentions had been adequately explained he felt…to her…with me still apparently in the dark.

And his penultimate message of the night (still to her) was an angry emoji face.  She said ‘what’s wrong with your face’…he said ‘your mate, she’s hard work, why hasn’t she contacted me?’ which was ignored.  Because if he couldn’t work that out…HE’D dumped ME and was then intent on getting a reaction…I mean on what earth would that little text-show merit me initiating any form of contact with him ever again?      

The final time he tried to come back, he said he wanted us to give things another go and ‘what should we call our children’?  I thought this was just a line to try and soften me up…like ‘ALL women want children’ he thinks, so this would be the ultimate declaration that could secure him another chance …and I brushed it off as a stupid comment and said ‘…well, we’d need to talk about that little subject  A LOT before we commit to anything’.  

So he immediately messaged our mutual friend and told her that he was serious about me but when he’d mentioned children I’d appeared to be ‘not very interested’.  And she said…LOL… ‘…well, yeah…you’d need to discuss that in depth first – children are a massive commitment’.  And he replied ‘…that’s what she said **confused face emoji**’ 

And I think he interpreted this as total rejection rather than what it actually was, which was ‘hmmmm, although you are already a fabulous father so you’ve proven your credentials, we’d really need to see where things go before making decisions of that magnitude…oh and…can you communicate with me directly about such significant things and not through a third party please in future’.  

He just didn’t have the emotional maturity(?), sense(?) or perhaps confidence(?) to have a serious conversation and I suspect it’s because in the past any serious conversation resulted in misunderstandings… crazy women and him in the doghouse.  So he was a lot frightened. 

I reckon this ex of mine had spent many days, weeks, months and possibly years of his life in the doghouse.  He probably got himself one, built it and put himself in it before he was actually put there on many occasions in anticipation of  a crazy reaction.  It’s a shame cause I kind of got him – I was getting there…but ultimately he didn’t get me. 

By the time I processed his intent each time and realised it was just him being clueless he was already offended and I didn’t know what to say to make it better and he lost even more confidence and he withdrew and I didn’t want to apply pressure.  So I guess we were at an impasse and ultimately not compatible.  Yeah…our combined communication skills really sucked…writing about it I’ve just fully understood the actual extent of how much they actually sucked and the part I played in that.  I can see that it wasn’t all his fault.  I take 50/50 share of the blame here.

The last relationship he’d had that he told me about resulted in him waking up to eggs being thrown at his windows and the remainder of his stuff (destroyed…standard) being chucked all over his front lawn in the pouring rain.  He saw the funny side and of cause banded ‘Crazy’ around as he gave me details of what had gone wrong and yeah…I can see why she felt ‘aggrieved’ – she wasn’t technically ‘crazy’ she was mightily pissed off, though I’m not condoning her behaviour…she’d have obviously come out of it looking less crazy if she’d just packed his stuff up and left it on his doorstep; but at least he ‘knew’ she ‘cared’…Right??!!
    
And that fascinates me too….I think some men, with the exception of those who DO manage to have healthy relationships, see crazy behaviour as a sign that a woman loves them/has feelings for them/can’t get over them.  They invite crazy, love (the thought of) crazy, expect crazy, but when crazy actually gets directed at them they get scared and can’t handle it but when they don’t get the crazy they assume the woman is not interested in them.  

As though crazy is ‘love’ and crazy is ‘caring’ and crazy is ‘wanting’.  And I don’t see ‘crazy’ as love.  I see ‘accepting’ a person’s decision to not have me in their life anymore as ‘caring’ and ‘genuine’ and that’s why when he ended things (on each occasion) he didn’t get any crazy reaction and hardly a reaction at all…(just an Ok) because I cared about him, care about him deeply still and that’s lost on him because he’s a stupid man and he expects me to be a crazy woman otherwise I never cared in the first place which could not be further away from the truth.

What he actually thought he wanted in his life, which was ‘craze-free’ appears not to be what he wants and can handle…but he can’t handle crazy either.  He didn’t understand his actions being met  with rational behaviour or crazy behaviour either.  Talking things through – haha…men ‘TALKING THINGS THROUGH’…I know you lot all love to do that!  Sometimes though, we’re not attacking you…we’re just trying to help you apply logic to the situation before leaving you alone to work things out your way, but instead you panic, fall apart and start saying more stupid stuff and the crazy rises up and that’s why you hate ‘TALKING THINGS THROUGH’ more than having teeth pulled.

Don’t tell us what you think we want to hear; tell us the truth – which you could if you’ve got no ill intent to hide behind.  And if you have got ill intent…hmmm….that’s not good, cause we’ll suss you and that stupid little stunt is going to attract crazy. 

Be straight.  Don’t tell our mates…tell US.  

If you’re staying out into the early hours drinking with your fwends, that’s fine…but don’t say you’ll be back at 9.00pm.  This way your bed will be made on the sofa for when you stumble in, with a glass of water by the side for your dehydration and a little savoury snack for your hangover and you won’t have to fight Buddy dog for his house, food, water and blanket.  Buddy’s been good all day.  Buddy worked hard for that nice long walk.  He doesn’t want you in his house at 4.00am…so try to keep yourself out of Buddy’s house by exercising a bit of sense.

If you are honest, upfront, your intentions are good and you are respectful, dear stupid men, you won’t have to worry about crazy because crazy is an age old reaction to stupid.  Next time you go to say something stupid or behave in a stupid way just have a think about how the crazy monster within the lady on the receiving end of such stupidity could react and then think of something better to say or a better way to behave.  

Ladies, try not to rise to stupidity…they can’t help it – it’s ingrained…and if you do rise you only need to do so ONCE…THAT’S ONE TIME IF AT ALL; they’ll get the picture.       

Anybody like to comment?!  Do so below…



10 thoughts on “THE ‘CRAZY’ WOMAN – ‘STUPID’ MAN RELATIONSHIP DYNAMIC – CAN WE COEXIST?

  1. Wow. I felt so indentified with many of the things you wrote. I was recently dismissed as \”crazy\” by a man who was deeply in love with me and I was deeply in love with as well, but I just didn't know how to manage his immature ways and he couldn't stand the crazy that resulted. Worst part of it all: he would not, in a thousand years, acknowledge my crazy was inspired by his stupid. I wish he could read this… I briefly tell my story at https://irispermuyaforkontheroad.com/a-recipe-for-heartbreak-and-cinnamon-rolls if you are interested 🙂 Thanks for this nice read!

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  2. Thank you so much for your comment. Sometime it seems as though men and women are totally different species and just do not get each other at all. I wonder how many relationships have broken down because 'misunderstanding' each other has overpowered 'love'. I wish my own ex could read this to be fair! I'll have a read of your story too. x

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  3. You are so funny. And again, I am so happy that I don't have to deal with stupid anymore. Although, my daughter is 13 and my son is 11! I need to figure out how to keep them from going stupid.

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  4. Thank you, I appreciate your comment. And again, I'm happy you don't have to deal with this type of stuff anymore too. Tell your daughter and son to learn from my mistakes and when you are happy for them to read expletives (sorry!), you can point them in the direction of this blog!!! xx

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  5. I'm pleased you read it Old Tom! You've probably got a point there to be fair – perhaps we are all crazy…I note that you didn't refer though to women being stupid too…why is that?! Good old Noddy and his band…

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  6. Oh babe! The washing up gloves though?? Seriously!?! I love your posts! So honest and funny. I have so many men related posts in me but I don’t think the fiancé would appreciate it 😂😂

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  7. Haha…yeah…the washing up gloves. Bless him, the thought was there…I think!Thank you for the endorsement…I appreciate it.Don't risk your fiance's wrath for the sake of idiots in your past…even though I would love to read about them…xxx

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  8. I love how open you are and OMG I so remember the stupidity that may have sent me over the edge in the past. Sometimes you really just have to shake your head and get the hell outta there fast. Thanks for the great open and honest post!

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  9. Thank you for your lovely comment! As ladies, I think we've all experienced some stupidity or another. Yeah, this was a strange one because despite his misjudgment on most occasions, he was a decent soul; and very special really. Thank you for reading. x

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